“I hate you” | Full Circle

Looking back upon my youth, I can only recall one specific time that I ever uttered the words “I hate you” to someone else. Sadly, that someone else happened to be my own mother. I don’t recall the reason why I said it (though I’m sure it was a foolish one), but I do remember I was probably less than 8 years old. I guess you could chalk it up to the ignorance and idiocy of my youth as I didn’t quite understand nor recognize the sheer weight of those words, let alone their true meaning. My mother was quick to respond in kind with those very words as she left me in my state of anger. I don’t remember if I ever officially apologized for that incident, or if I told her I loved her afterwards, but I do remember the shame and remorse that I felt when I made the attempt to do so.

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It’s a Thin Line…

I grew up with quite a few musical influences. I was an 80’s child, with much of my listening coming from the wide variety of music that my brothers and mother listened to. From Metallica, The Cure, Stevie Wonder, Queen, Kraftwerk, Earth Wind & Fire, the Beastie Boys, Michael Jackson, to the “light rock, less talk” type, I’d say I have been exposed to and consumed quite an interesting smorgasbord of genres. There’s one thing that I can say for certain.

I love music.

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Bare Necessities / Vulnerability / Contentment and My Place

home alone

My parents took a trip out of town not too long ago, leaving the house in my “capable” hands for a week. Coincidentally, my ex decided to take the kids that very same week so I was pretty much alone in the house. It’s not often that I get a taste of the single not-quite-bachelor life. I don’t know if I’ll ever earn enough to be on my own when taking into account the situation with my kids, but I suppose I got to briefly experience how it would be. In the days prior to their departure, I wondered how it would be and how I would handle things. I pondered what I could do and what I should do. In looking back on my behavior, I found my actions to be somewhat interesting.

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All By My Selfie / Haters Gonna Hate

I can't find the scan image, but the pose was something like this...
I can’t find the scan image, but it somewhat resembled this pose…

Long ago, when the Internet was relatively young and social media was still in its infancy, I used to frequent this website called Asian Avenue. It was essentially a community where you could create a profile page for yourself, upload pictures, and chat with other users. I suppose it was kind of like how dating sites are today, though I didn’t really use it for that purpose. (Okay, maybe I did sorta kinda meet my ex there, but that’s not important…) Webcams and digital cameras weren’t common electronic devices back then, so getting pictures of yourself uploaded onto the web was somewhat of a task. You either had to have a webcam or a scanner. I didn’t have a webcam at the time, but I did have a scanner. Unfortunately, I had a very limited selection of pictures of myself to scan and the ones I did have were quite dated at the time. Obtaining pictures of myself was mostly limited to those taken during special events like weddings or school portraits. Instead of waiting for the next of those to occur, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I turned off the lights in my room, placed a towel behind me to block out external light sources, and opened up the lid on the scanner. I pressed the scan button and tried to remain as still as I could while the light of the scanner slowly worked its way across the surface. I probably pulled 2 decent images of myself with that little endeavor. I remember also having a lot of fun manipulating the images by moving with or against the image sensor. As embarrassed as I am to admit to doing this back then, I suppose you could call that my first selfie.

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Monogatari – On Love

I’ve grown fascinated with the Monogatari universe ever since I first watched Bakemonogatari. The dialog and narrative are probably the major driving elements of the show. Despite its otaku panderings with character archetypes and particular fetishes, I have to say this group of shows is definitely quite unique and intriguing.

In watching the first episode of Nekomonogatari Kuro (Black), the Araragi family goes into discussion regarding matters of love. Koyomi asks his younger sister about the topic since she has a boyfriend and he’s feeling uncertain about his feelings. Continue reading “Monogatari – On Love”

The Sensitive “Naked” Man / “Real” Love

(Okay, maybe not exactly the “naked” as in this old SNL skit, but I suppose it’s revealing in a different sense.)

I would like to think that I’m fortunate to be a product of the 80’s and 90’s. As a child, I would sit my parents’ car during our various outings as they listened to all the sappy love songs that would play on our local adult contemporary station, KOIT. I grew fond of a few artists back then such as Stevie Wonder, Lionel Richie, Peabo Bryson, Luther Vandross, and Michael Jackson just to name a few. Later, I got hooked on R&B and listened to artists like Boyz II Men, Blackstreet, Shai, Silk, Brian McKnight, and several others.

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