Bare Necessities / Vulnerability / Contentment and My Place

home alone

My parents took a trip out of town not too long ago, leaving the house in my “capable” hands for a week. Coincidentally, my ex decided to take the kids that very same week so I was pretty much alone in the house. It’s not often that I get a taste of the single not-quite-bachelor life. I don’t know if I’ll ever earn enough to be on my own when taking into account the situation with my kids, but I suppose I got to briefly experience how it would be. In the days prior to their departure, I wondered how it would be and how I would handle things. I pondered what I could do and what I should do. In looking back on my behavior, I found my actions to be somewhat interesting.

  • Responsibilities: I pretty much kept the house in tact during the week. Nothing really changed from the moment they left. The only thing that really piled up was the mail and newspapers. I kept the sink clear, took out the garbage, and fed the fish and cat. I had thoughts about clearing out my room a bit more from the chaos of the quake, but that didn’t really happen.
  • Meals: Out of the 24 or so meals for the duration of my solitude, none of those consisted of home-cooked meals. Nothing I’d consider home-cooked, anyway. The closest thing was the leftovers I had maybe on two occasions. I cooked up some ramen maybe once. Ordered out for maybe four or five different occasions. I’d say the majority of my meals consisted of cereal (I think I had Honey Bunches of Oats on 9 occasions), peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bananas, protein bars, and protein drinks. It’s not really that I can’t cook. It’s not really that I was too lazy to cook. I think it was more a matter of comfort, time, and convenience.
  • Sleep: I think I slept in my room maybe twice that week. The rest of the week, for some reason, I decided to crash on the couch. It’s not that I stayed up so late that I crashed where I was. I can speculate (like the fact that my room gets ridiculously hot compared to the rest of the house), but in reality, I’m not too sure why I did it.
  • Leisure: I don’t really remember what I did during my free time, but I believe I actually kept up my exercise regimen. I think I actually finished watching a series that I shelved for quite a while. I don’t think I even hung out with anyone during that time. It was a very dull, low key week.

Every time I envision myself living on my own, I often imagine my living space to be quite barren. I see myself sleeping on the floor, using a futon that I could tuck away for space saving. I’d probably have a convertible couch/futon for guests and a kotatsu-like coffee table to serve as the only functional table. The walls would probably be bare. I’d probably have a TV on a stand and a little desk for the computer. Maybe a workspace for both art work and as a general study. Living where I do, it seems I hardly have enough space because of the shared living areas. However, living alone, I don’t think I would really need that much room.

If I ever live on my own, I wouldn’t mind living in a micro house (if they ever make their way here). I saw the micro apartments in Japan and thought to myself that it’d be cool to live in a spot like that. I don’t think I could ever go to this extreme, but I think living a small minimalist lifestyle would be the direction I’d like to go.

Could I live on my own? Probably. Now will that ever happen? I honestly doubt it. I have to take into consideration the kids of course.

It seems that in order for me to have any semblance of a “home” and a balanced diet, maybe I just need to find a “helper“… ┐( ̄ー ̄)┌

(I kid of course. Well, sorta… )

 


 

I sometimes find it funny that I’m so willing to share the information that I do about myself with the world. Sure, maybe “the world” ends up being only the one or two people who actually read my blog, but the fact that anyone can look it up and read such private and intimate details about myself sometimes makes me wonder if I should change that. I’m an open book here. I’ve already pretty much shared my most critical vulnerabilities in previous posts. Not like that really matters though. What can anyone do with that information? Nothing significant, I assure you.

Blogging is something I do more for myself than I do for others. It serves as a means for me to vent and sort out my thoughts. I find myself able to think a little more clearly when I can write things out. I find that if I don’t flesh out some of the thoughts in my mind, that they tend to fester. I think by addressing them and expanding on them in writing, I’m able to cope a little better in dealing with whatever the particular thought of the moment may be. Now, if my ramblings happen to intrigue, convict, or encourage you, then I’m glad that it served more of a purpose. I’m pretty sure most of what I write is a bore.


 

The chaos of the start of the school year is finally over. Through many recent events, I’ve again come to learn more about myself. Maybe not really learn, but rather come to some realizations about myself and acknowledge some of my weaknesses. Just when I thought things were going pretty well and after the high of being able to attend the Worship God 2014 conference, I’ve fallen flat on my face yet again. Old struggles have resurfaced. I’ve ran away from a few responsibilities. I’ve lost patience and have hastily sought to remedy a void in my life that I felt needed filling.

We recently went over this passage during our home fellowship group and I had to admit this particular passage came in quite a timely fashion. I wasn’t quite sure how I should apply it to myself. Seeing as we just went over in the previous weeks, it lead me to be at somewhat of a loss as to how I should address this particular area in my life. Whether I should remain “in the condition in which I was called”, or if I should seek to remedy the state of “burn(ing) with passion”.

I hate to admit it, but I do miss the companionship of a significant other. I found myself actively pursuing some particular interests I’ve had at the expense of my better judgment and logic, even going as far as to leave my comfort zones to pursue them. At the end of each pursuit, I was greeted by the harsh reality that it just couldn’t be. Though I didn’t find myself necessarily disappointed (well, maybe once), I actually found myself liberated in a way. It was as if my GPS was re-calibrated and I realized that I was completely lost and headed in the wrong direction. Yet again, I have found myself not finding my joy and contentment in the Lord.

I needed to re-align my compass and point myself back to Christ. In Him there is fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. In Him I should be delighting myself. There is no other. He can grant peace that passes understanding. He can grant comfort in times of suffering. He is the light and my salvation. He is my rock. My hiding place. My comforter. My King. My Lord. My Father.

I can only pray that He continues and finishes the work that He has started in me. That He grows me and uses me. That He causes me to bear much fruit for His name and glory. That He continues to purify and sanctify me. That I could be a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to Him. That the Spirit enables me to do so and that it may be more of Him and less of me.

Now if it be His will that He blesses me with another, then so be it. It might even be right in front of my face without realizing it. If not, then even so, blessed be His name. However ultimately, I need to focus on Him. To answer to this higher calling. To run this race with endurance. To fight this good fight. To keep the faith.

17 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. 18 Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. 19 For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. 20 Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. 21 Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) 22 For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. 23 You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. (ESV)

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (ESV)